Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
