i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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