He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
