At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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