Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
