So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
