listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
