I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
