Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
