Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
