the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just pee around me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
