I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
