____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
