Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
