my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So much rum. So many feels.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
