you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
