he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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