I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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