Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
