four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
