Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
