It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
