You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
