Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
