I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
