Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and she was petting her beer can
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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