it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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