by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
