come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
