oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
