Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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