Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
