Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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