Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if only i could text you this smell
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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