He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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