I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
