If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
