Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
