Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
