Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
