I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
