ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
