I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
