i don't like sucking hair
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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