Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
