She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are the jesus of drinking
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize