totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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