she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
