i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
