I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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