I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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