So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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