Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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