Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You pole danced in your parka.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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