How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize