I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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