if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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