i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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