I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
