Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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