Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
