we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
