I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
